Flammekaster (Demo)

Copied from my review in case anyone wants to respond:

The premise is interesting enough, but I do think you can do more with what you have and can add additional content beyond the artwork.

Let's start with what I like: Ember's personal struggle is interesting and it's easy to root for her because she's both sympathetic and competent. She's clearly determined to free her mother and has a plan for doing this. Her character art is also pretty. So, at its core, you have an interesting story to tell.

At the same time, however, you might want to look into the game's presentation. I'm not talking about the missing art here, because that kind of work simply takes time and you shouldn't rush anythign for a game jam. Rather, it's about your Ren'py settings. First of all, you didn't add a background to the main menu even though you could use one of the cgs from the game or perhaps make something else. The main menu is one of the first things people see, and changing it to be at least different from the default could really help you. Second, all the characters have the same color name. This is really easy to change because you just have to add who_color="[color code]" to the part where you define the character. Lastly, the font is still the default and probably does not suit the setting you've chosen. Specifically, you might want to turn it into Cambria, Times New Roman or another font that suits a fantasy/historical setting. Changing the font is not that difficult when you know where to look, so I recommend that you look up how to do that. Lastly for the presentation, I would recommend that you add transitions like 'with dissolve' when you show and hide characters because now they just pop in and out of the screen. You don't have to change these things right away, but you probably want to get take care of them as soon as possible because it helps to make your game more appealing to newcomers.

Lastly, I have some small notes on the writing. The story itself is good so far, but the text could use more description because it kind of feels like you're rushing through it. For example, you might want to give a more thorough description of what the Ember/Ivar illusion actually looks and feels like. This not only improves the emotional impact of Liebert's reaction, but also makes it easier to understand what's going on. It could have just been me, but it was not clear to me at first whether Ember was acting or whether the son had actually appeared from some kind of afterlife, which could be solved with more description. The other comment I have on the writing is that you seem to have two different ideas for your opening. First it shows the mother, then Liebert, then talks about the mother again, and then goes back to Liebert. Especially the first shift from the match scene to the performance is a little jarring, even if it is explained later. I think you might want to rethink the order in which you show these scenes. You can either start with the mom and how she was captured, then cut to Ember's plan and execution, or start with her performing for Liebert and then later on reveal why she did all that. Personally, if I had to recommend something, I'd say that you could start with the Liebert performance and end that on Liebert agreeing to some sort of favor without saying what it is, then show Ember's history with her mother and state her goal of finding her, then show the checkpoint and how Liebert is conveniently on guard duty and describe him doing the fake checks, then round off with an explanation of how Ember found out about this man and what they agreed. That way, the reader can already sense the conclusion of Ember's plan as it is explained to them. Of course, if you do start with the scene of Liebert and his son, then you should also add some background information on Ember's history as a performer or something along those lines so it becomes clear what she's actually doing in that moment. These are just suggestions, though! Ultimately, it's up to you how you tell your story.